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Posted Dec. 18, 2013

Dealing With Difficult Student Flatmates

Choosing to live with other students can be problematic. It's somewhat inevitable that your toes will end up being stepped on at one point or another. However, there may come a time where a housemate crosses the line into becoming a frequent pain. The roots of this are often simplistic in nature. Yet if left, these mundane annoyances can easily escalate into full blown grudges, disrupting both your work and your emotional state.

Dealing with any issues quickly is thus imperative to postgraduate success. With some careful planning and negotiation, you should be able to ensure a reasonably stress free home environment.

Planning ahead The very best way to avoid friction is to reduce the chances of it occurring. If you're going to be living in non-assigned accommodation, it's worth discussing your expectations beforehand with your (potential) future flatmates. What do you want to get out of the new house, and how do you expect other people to behave? More importantly, how will everyone's beliefs and lifestyle choices affect the group dynamic?

Generally, the larger the group, the more chance there is of a serious fracture developing. The risk is even greater with individual(s) that you hardly know. It's not worth enduring a year of social agony to fill that last gap on the lease.

Common problems Day to day problems tend to occur most frequently over cleanliness and sociability. If a housemate is being excessively untidy in a communal space, it can often be resolved by simply informing them (politely) about the situation. It can be difficult to pay attention to dirty cutlery or unclean floors if you're exhausted from a solid week of writing. Standards for good housework also differ, from "forensically spotless" to "close enough." Finding an equilibrium is key.

Don't make the mistake of constantly picking up everyone else's unfinished work, though. The cleaning duties should usually be distributed fairly, to prevent arguments. If the problems persist, consider holding a house meeting to implement a weekly rota, enforced penalties or incentives to clean. You can find tips on some of the strategies you could employ here .

As a postgraduate, you probably won't have as much time for socialising. However, building up a good rapport with flatmates through a few bonding activities can help keep you sane. Despite this, some flatmates may remain chronically unfriendly, passive-aggressive or quiet. Stress or insecurity can also result in negative comments or unpleasant behaviour towards others, particularly on bad days. Confronting these problems head-on by arguing rarely works; talking them through calmly is often far more effective. Many flatmates will just need someone to listen to their problems, and kind and compassionate behaviour will be remembered.

Perceptions of established boundaries can also factor into household schisms. Most houses rely on a set of informal expectations, but you should create a written list if you all prefer solid guidelines. Early on, make sure that every housemate has agreed on what constitutes "acceptable" for your communal setting, from alcohol to clothing. Parties or gatherings (of all varieties) are an additional and frequent cause of household tension, particularly if unannounced or destructive. It's worth getting everyone together before these events to plan and discuss them. A regular, pre-agreed noise deadline is also a very good idea, as is the purchase of headphones by all.

Additionally, financial arrangements and expectations should be pre-agreed, far in advance if possible. Nothing can become toxic quicker than arguments over unpaid bills or unclaimed loans.

More serious problems Despite tolerance being vital to a happy household, there is some unacceptable behaviour that is always non-negotiable. Contact any of your equivalent university departments listed here and your rent authority immediately if you are suffering from a thoroughly anti-social, abusive or actively destructive flatmate.
 
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