5 Types of Postgrad We All Know

Although every university and course comes with its own unique group of people, some stereotypes can cross over from North to South, Russell Group to ex-polytechnic and (who thought it was possible) from arts to sciences. From pancreas to playboys, we will all know these five types of students, and if you don’t they are probably you.

The Sports Team Terror Surely they must be doing some work at some point, but you will never see them doing it. Instead, you will see a lot of Facebook photos from their night out with their sports team and hear many stories about their sexual exploits, each as unlikely and potentially gruesome as the last. They have been like this since school, and you just know they’ll be the ones founding the fight club at their place of work. They’ve never really matured past the age of 16, and yet they’ll still get a good degree and great job because their boss was exactly the same 30 years ago.

The Panicker Despite presumably at this point having done well in SATs, GCSEs, A-Levels, a degree and perhaps even a Masters, this person still freaks out about ever single exam. Even the hint of an upcoming essay sees their nails bitten down to the root and blurry evenings of Pro Plus and books piled above their head. Hell hath no fury like a panicker asked on a night out within two months of any sort of deadlines. At this point, they are usually totally beyond help, but you can try to ease their pain with cups of tea and understanding nods.

The Wise Mature Student Like Gandalf mixed with Yoda mixed with Mystic Meg, the Wise Mature Student spends most of their time nodding and smiling to themselves about the things us mere mortals say in seminars. When they do say something, make sure you’re listening and have writing implements, because its going to be the best thing you’ve heard all day. These people are always worth making friends with, if for no other reasons than because mature students always have more a) expensive food and b) a far better selection of wine than other students which make a delicious accompaniment to their pearls of life wisdom.

The Over-Enthusiastic Postgrad At this point of our education, most of us love our subject in the same way that one loves a slightly-errant brother: you love them in theory, but a lot of the things they do irritate you to the core. Not the over-enthusiastic postgrad. When they say they love their subject they mean ‘love’ in capital letters, 6 letter ‘o’s and possibly with a heart instead of a ‘v’. This is perhaps the saddest of all types, as without fail they end up as teachers and become completely disillusioned when trying you make 30 bored 14 year olds interested in their life’s passion.

The Quiet One It’s a cliché, but it’s a particuarly true one, especially for postgrad students: it’s always the quiet ones you have to watch. They’ve spent years listening rather than talking, and this means they not only know everything there is to know about the course, but they probably also know all your deepest darkest secrets too. Definitely worth taking out for a drink: not only will they reveal their wisdom, but quiet ones are famously fun when they’ve had a drink and it’s after midnight, kind of like postgrad Gremlins.

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